the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
