You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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