there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
