He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
