i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
