I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
MIDGETS
????
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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