i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
