Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
