Dual....:-)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
