I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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