What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
