she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
