He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
