your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Sober January is a disaster.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
