I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
where does the pee come out of this thing
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
