I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
