I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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