after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
