i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
