The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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