I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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