Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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