I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
