I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
