And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
