So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
