Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
