Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
