dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
