have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
