physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
