my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
