im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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