i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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