even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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