my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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