You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
