yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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