I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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