i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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