Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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