My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Green mimosas i think yes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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