I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
