Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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