you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
