One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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