so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
