We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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