Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
