Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
