mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i think i just lost a toe
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